This is the paper I wrote for the aftermath of the Five Golden Rules... enjoy!
When I first heard of Dr. Miller’s Five Golden Rules that we had to follow, I immediately thought of Willy Wonka’s Five Golden Tickets in the chocolate bars. Regardless, I did not think too much of this assignment. I thought it would be an easy “A” and that the only things I would learn from this are the things that I already knew. But the results were actually surprising; I realized that even though I already knew most of the things I learned, being reminded of them was what the important part of this exercise was. I decided it would be easier to write a blog, explaining my memories, and making sure that I did not forget any of the little things (the blog can be seen at http://www.cbruhasays.blogspot.com/). This paper mentions each of the rules, my experience throughout the quarter, and what I learned as a result.
Goals:
Short term: get a 4.0 this quarter, along with saving up to take the trips I've wanted to take to Boston, Keene, Buffalo, and Washington DC.
Long term: Graduate from RIT with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration, majoring in Business Management, double minoring in Marketing and Philosophy. Attend RIT's MBA program.
Professional: Obtain a federal co-op, a co-op pertaining to social media, work in social media marketing or human resources, become a professor, and/or start my own business.
Personal:Work on being more outgoing- I tend to seclude myself in times of uncomfortableness. Also, make room for getting back in touch with nature and religion.
It sounds funny to say it, but simply by writing those ideas down made all of the difference. There is something about seeing the text on the screen that made it seem like it was set in stone. No longer were these goals just something in the back of my mind- they were written down, documented, and revealed to the world through my blog. I kept track of my progress on my goals, but most of them are long-term, or pending.
However, the ones that I focus on most are being more outgoing. I realized that I have immersed myself so much into school that I had not thought to make time with friends. This quarter, I decided to make time, scheduling time to work out with a buddy, or study with a friend. While “killing two birds with one stone,” I had the ability to maintain contact with friends while managing to fit everything into my schedule. I have noticed that I am happier, more confident, and feel better about myself, just by making time to be with the people I love.
Practice listening: Vow to listen as much as you talk. After you reach that 50/50 point, make it 2/3 listening, and 1/3 talking.
I have noticed that I tend to stay on the quiet side of conversations, especially if I do not know the people or if I cannot follow the conversation. I think I already have the 2/3 listening and 1/3 talking part down. I realized that I would have to work backwards; I would have to act more outgoing, start conversations with people I do not know, and become extroverted. I usually think of myself as a fantastic conversation end-er; it was now time to get rid of that negative way of thinking. Now is the time to network, because nowadays, it is about who you know, not what you know.
I tried this one weekend, and noticed that I tend to immediately keep my sentences short and return the question back to my peers; so I tried talking more. It was liberating, in a way, but I felt strange at the same time. I did not want to feel like I was overpowering the situation, or being too much of a blabber-mouth. I decided that I could not just do this for one weekend- it had to be something I strived to do every day. So, each day, I made sure that I made conversation with people, even if I had not spoken to them in a long time. I can honestly say that I was genuinely surprised at the responses from people; they were excited, willing to talk, and I think I have made a few new close friends as a result of this activity.
I notice that sometimes I still tend to go back to my old ways of getting quiet. However, a memorial service that I recently attended for the dear Ellie Rosenfield sparked my insight on this. One of the presenters, Karey Pine, did a mesmerizing speech on the journeys of life. She said that sometimes, the journeys of people intertwine, meeting together, sharing stories, and leaving to continue on with the journey. Sometimes two people come together and journey parallel to each other for a long time. At that moment, it hit me; People are in your life for a reason. There is a reason why you are walking together in this journey of life. Take advantage of it, embrace it. You never knew when you will go your separate ways. Karey Pine then ended the speech with her sign language interpretation of a song from the play Wicked, “Because I knew you,” which reveals the impact that someone can have in your journey of life. Embrace life, and the people in it.
Compliment someone every day… and actually mean it.
In high school, I used to compliment people all the time. I loved the feeling that you got from the smile after complimenting that person- it was like you saw their confidence build up in them the moment you acknowledged them. I used to have the confidence to go up to someone walking by and be like, "I adore your shoes!" However, I stopped complimenting people once I got to college because someone told me that they thought I was fake when I did that.
It is amazing the results of one comment that can put you down. I guess I should have realized that that negative comment should not have discouraged me so soon.The power of positive words can transform someone’s bad day into a wonderful day. I remember reading this article about a guy who had several cups of water, each of which he stuck post-it notes onto the cups. Each post-it note had one word on it, varying from “happy” to “bad” comments. He left the water for a day, and returned to look at each molecular structure of the water from each cup. He realized, as strange as it sounds, each molecular structure of the water with a bad comment on the cup was blurry, muddy, and not normal. All of the positive cups had sparkling, shining, and breath-taking shapes. I should have realized the importance of this example after hearing that comment.
Tell someone you love them…and mean it.
This one was one of the hardest ones to do. I love my family and boyfriend, so saying “I love you” to them was easy. I knew that was not enough, however; I needed to say “I love you” to my friends. My closest friends were easy, as well. I think I had the hardest time saying “I love you” to my new friends that I have made out here at RIT. For whatever reason, I was not comfortable telling my new friends that I loved them. I mean, I truly did- they have been the ones that listen to me rant, cry, and struggle over the past three years. But saying “I love you” was to take our friendship to the next level. I was not sure if I was ready for that!
This boggled my mind for days. If I really loved them, why couldn’t I just tell them? I started having this conversation with them, explaining the rules that were required for this class. Some of them told me not to be so silly, it did not need to be said- if anything, the way I tend to say “I love you” is through my hugs. But some of them struck a few nerves with me. The ones that struck a nerve were the ones that said, “Well, why don’t you say it? I love you, too.” The general consensus was that they have embraced that life is too short to not say “I love you,” so why not just say it? It hit me then—why don’t I just say it?
I then went to RIT’s Connectology Leadership Conference one Saturday morning. I was not expecting the keynote speaker to be anything special. He proved me wrong. His name was Derek Greenfield, and I think that he has forever changed my way of thinking. He had several inspiring words to say, all of which I wrote down on my phone. But one of them, his very last comment, stuck with me. He said, “Think of the day that you were conceived. Don’t think too much about it, though (the audience giggled). When you were conceived, there were 500 million sperms fighting for the chance to reach the egg first. For whatever reason, yours was the one that got there first. You are here for a reason. Go be that reason.”
Not to be religious, but there truly is a reason why God put us all on earth today. It is essential to be reminded that we are all here together, struggling to get through life, but we always forget to acknowledge those in our lives. I love saying “I love you” to my friends now, and I strive to do it once a day, as much as I can.
Every day, before you go to bed, tell;yourself one thing that you did that day that you are proud of.
This is the one rule that I regrettably did not do every night. It might have been because I simply forgot to, or maybe I did not want to. I think I was afraid that maybe I would not like the days where I would have to search hard to find something that I am proud of. It was not until tonight (Monday, April 26) that I was inspired. I was invited to the Women’s Career Achievement Dinner sponsored by RIT’s Women’s Center. It was a huge honor to go, and the food was delicious.
Sandara Sobieraj Westfall of People Magazine. Her genuine speech included a slideshow of her personal photos with various political celebrities. She worked as a journalist for the Associate Press, interviewing several Presidents, government officials, and First Families. She earned respect in the field for being fair, telling stories that were true, but showed the public figures in a good light. Because of her fairness, she went far in her career. However, there were a lot of negatives in her career, including lonely nights, bullying of men co-workers, and constant competition with men. It was not until she realized that what she was doing with her life, even though it had always been her dream, was not making her happy. She realized that she would loved to have a weekend to do what she wanted to do, have a family, and a dog, It was not until she received a job offer at People magazine, which some people would consider a step down from the Associate Press, that she realized she could now be happier. This stuck with me, even five hours after the event had ended. I was struggling internally with the desire to go after my dreams of becoming a sassy businesswoman or starting a family, and being a stay-at-home mom. I felt conflicted I would love to continue my studies and get my MBA, but I feel like after I get my MBA, I would just want to be a stay-at-home mom. I began asking myself, “what was the point of being in school right now, if all I want is to be a mom?” The internal conflict tormented me this entire year. Thankfully, Sandra was able to shed some light on this subject. Although she was not regretful that she immersed herself into her career and started a family later, I realized that there was a possibility of achieving my dream and having a family at the same time, without forgoing one or the other.
I wish I could thank Sandra personally- I have a new way of looking at my college years now. I can honestly say that I will go to bed tonight, and every night afterwards, saying that I am proud that I am fulfilling my dreams, both of them.
It is funny how the first thing that popped into my head after hearing about the Five Golden Rules is the Golden Tickets from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Each of these tickets were discovered by pure chance. I did not see how it would be relevant until now; Coming across these rules was by complete chance. The people that I came across, the events I went to, and the friends I reunited and met with this past quarter have happened randomly, and by chance. Thanks to chance, I know have a newfound respect for myself, my friends, and the future. I cannot express how thankful I am to Dr. Miller for allowing us to explore these rules. Even though I did not follow them every day, the overall effect over the last few weeks have been life-changing.
